Madonna had it right

Last night I had the opportunity to play a songwriter showcase downtown at the Ideal Hotel.

That venue is one of my favorite spots to play since it is a listening-room set up. (And as I've always maintained, no one will ever like my music unless they listen to it). It was a fantastic night and I'll tell you why. Any time there is a broad range of performers, I get overwhelmed with this feeling of purpose. Why do any of us choose to lug our gear downtown, pay $15 for parking and play two songs to a small crowd of people in a dark room? Answer: Expression.

We are overwhelmed with artistic energy that needs to be released in a positive way. We are like cannons shooting fiery balls of passion into the air (yes I just said fiery balls of passion). We don't care where they land, we just have to get them out of us so we can make room for more. It is our purpose.

Top 3 Highlights of my Night (in chronological order)

1. A pleasant conversation with Gregory Page. He told me how much he loves my album. He was honest that it took him a couple of listens to go from like to love. (Like I said earlier, you really have to listen to it). He gave me a copy of his new CD and he signed it. I could have gone home happy and show hadn't even started.

2. Veronica May & the CHS Glee Club. Words can not describe. I was beaming with pride. Like, illuminated. I laughed, I cried. I know how great V is working with youth and I had even heard some of their rehearsal recordings. But watching them live just hit it home. It was infinitely better than fireworks. Such energy and excitement and love for music. I don't understand people who don't understand the importance of arts education. This ten-minute performance probably taught these teens more about the human condition than they will ever learn via standardized testing. I am so in love with V's ability to teach huge concepts through music while simultaneously bringing out the best in people. It really brings out the best in her.

3. Growing real-life friendships. My online persona is not shy. But put me in a room full of real-life flesh and bones, and I get all verklempt. I'm not a chit-chatter. I just feel awkward around people for the most part. Really self-conscious. Like there's no way they will find anything I have to say remotely interesting. It's weird, I know. BUT, last night I kind of noticed a change. Because of my slow but steady progress in the music community, I feel like I am actually making some genuine friendships. People seemed happy to see me. That gave me a serious case of the warm n' fuzzies.

I love my life. I love expressing myself through art and words and music. I love watching other people do the same.

Express yourself. Hey hey hey hey.

The Event Team: The Power of Positivity - 5 helpful hints to use a...

The Event Team: The Power of Positivity - 5 helpful hints to use a...: "In a fast-paced, deadline driven-work environment, it's easy to feel stressed out, overwhelmed and lose focus. It can be difficult to juggl..."

Smoothing out and Settling Down

I just wanted to pop-in for a few sentences to say that I plan on writing an update very soon. My last blog entry was super depressing and I wanted to let the world know (and maybe just verify for myself) that I am doing better than I have in a long time.

I'm still going through some challenges, but I am giving and receiving love in my life and who could ask for more than that? I will give some more detail when I have some free time. Until then, just know I'm smiling.

Here I Go Again on my Owwwwn (except not on my own)

So this:
...spawned 30 more days of giving stuff up. This time, I'm the charity. Clearly, some of the lessons I learned during GULP did not stick. I think I expected this to happen, but not to the extent of the above video. Clearly I have not overcome emotional eating. I know the answer is not to go 30 days binging, 30 days off...but for now this is what I've decided to do. GULP provided more clarity, and surprisingly, more spirituality than I've ever had and I think part of me just wants a little of it back. I know I have to figure out a way to practice moderation eventually, but in the meantime I'm just gonna go with the abstinence route. It's kind of the easy (but hard) way out.

Good news is, I am not doing it alone. My sis is back at it, and I've also recruited some more friends/family to do their own modified versions. I'm on Day 4 so far, and all is well. I don't miss the alcohol and I've actually eaten some really tasty home-cooked/prepared meals.

I don't think I'm going to be blogging every day, but I'll check in periodically to let you know what's cracking. Wish me luck!

Day 28- Like a genie on the tabletop surfin through the month of may.

Well, we made it. Six more hours and GULP will be done. I can't believe how much I've learned about myself in such a short period of time. Here's a recap of the most important things:

1. I love my sister. She is my rock and my blanket.
2. I am an awesome person, and I get to say that without feeling like it sounds conceited. I've spent way too much of my life feeling low self-worth and was just downright mean to myself. It is not overconfident for me to say I am God's gift to the world, because...
3. So are you. And once you start seeing the world around you as a gift, it's pointless to dwell on the painful stuff. In fact, the painful stuff becomes far less painful.
4. I have a great supporrt system. All the nice emails and comments and conversations I had with you (you know who you are) got me through this. I love being a part of such supportive communities (music, basketball, online, etc.). I've learned all you have to do for help is open up and receive it because it is already there waiting for you.
5. I need people. But I don't need one person to define me. I still feel lonely from time to time and struggle with codependency, but each day, I find myself more and more comfortable in my own skin, and that's something I've never experienced until now.
6. I am lucky and blessed. Lucky to have so many dietary choices. Lucky to have a job and a car and a place to sleep. Blessed that GULP is an experiment and not a every-day reality. Blessed to have music to turn to rather than a destructive coping mechanism like drugs or alcohol.
7. As much as I needed this personal journey of self-discovery, I get to help people at the end of this. I will tally up my final number soon, but I think I will be able to give at least a couple hundred bucks to each of my charities. How cool is that?
8. I have made a committment to be true to myself. Even if I'm unsure about something, I will honor that uncertainty as valid and meaningful, and I will keep myself open and receptive to the world around me. I will get out of my own way and find myself in the process.

Al Stewart sums it up pretty darn good:
http://www.alstewart.com/lyrics/genieonatabletop.htm


Thank you GULP (and therapy and reading and music and God) for pulling me out of my pity-party and helping me start filling my soul with all the positive things life has to offer!

Day 27- I mean really, are we there yet?

I want this done. Not so much the emotional, physical and spiritual benefits, but the restrictions are starting to get to me. Plus, Haley is here and her diet is WAY more restricted so she is starting to get really grumpy with the anticipation of the end.

Tomorrow night. Midnight. Me and Haley and a bottle of wine. Boo yah. Gotstago.

Day 26- The Last Days with the Sis

Day 26- Sister Time!

Last night was the best! The band killed it at U31, and it was so great to look out into a crowd of people I love, especially my sister who drove all the way from Corcoran to support me!

I love sister time! Today we woke up and walked to Trader Joe's to stock up on our last round of GULP groceries. Her diet is far more restricted than mine so we had to figure out how to make it work in my house. In related news, I found out where the pots and pans are stored in my new place after two months of living there. GULP has not made me a cook. :)

It is so cool we get to spend the remainder of our GULP days together! Due to the fact my room is the size of a shoebox, we decided to stay the night tonight at a cheap motel. (We both REALLY love staying in cheap motels for some reason). Usually it's more fun with alcohol, but we're making it work with apples. Cause that's how we GULP!