Prop 8 Reflections...

I was sorting through old documents and found this little note I wrote in response to the ruling on Prop 8, while I was still married, before I had even come to terms with the fact that I was gay. Thought I'd repost and ask for your thoughts:

I feel I need to speak out on this marriage nonsense. (I may ramble, but I think I should write everything I’m feeling about this)

As someone who was raised for many years in a Baptist church, I understand why some people think that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Christians, just like any other group of people, can’t be pigeonholed into one belief system. Some Christians choose to believe every single word in the bible as fact (right down to the rib of Adam). Some Christians choose to focus on the “fire and brimstone” message of eternal punishment for sins. Some choose to believe that being gay is one of those punishable sins. Some choose to believe that judging other people’s sins is a sin. Some choose to believe in the message of God=Love and nothing else matters. You know what’s awesome about Christianity, and any other religion (or non-religion) practiced in the U.S.? People have the choice to believe what they want to believe, as long as they do not harm others.

Now for many years, I just believed whatever authority figures told me (preachers, relatives, etc.). I didn’t really question much, and I didn’t really think about people outside of my little world who had other beliefs. I thought marriage should be between a man and a woman because a handful of people told me this is what I had to believe, and I was afraid I’d go to hell if I believed otherwise. (As a side note, I also thought I’d go to hell if I had sex before marriage, which resulted in HUGE trauma that I still struggle with today). I was never taught to hate gay people (some people do, and I just can’t figure that one out…hating is frowned upon in the bible), but I was supposed to think of their lifestyle as a correctable error. I was constantly reminded by this at every holiday function as I’d view my family virtually ignore my cousin and the “friend” that she’d bring over to family dinners.

When I finally got out of the little town I’d been raised in, I realized there was more. More everything. More culture, more religions, more races, more political parties, more philosophies about life in general. My relatives like to think of this as the time I was “brainwashed by a liberal university.” True, my university (in its curriculum, but strangely not in its own policies) took a left stance on anything race, gender, justice-related. But I had grown up in my small town “absorbing” whatever my church and my family said, and when I went to college I was tired of just absorbing and ready to think for myself. To make a long story short, I don’t think I was brainwashed in college as much as I was given a good rinse. I think the balance of my upbringing combined with my college education made me a very open-minded person. I find it hard to judge groups as a whole, because there are well-intentioned, good-hearted people in every group. Conversely, I find it hard to identify solely with one group because there sure are a lot of idiots in every group too.

I was an American Studies major, and I think I find this country so interesting because it is (and always has been) such a hypocritical place to live. I think this gay marriage ban is just one more example in a long, long history of hypocrisy. People love the U.S.A. because we have a Constitution that guarantees every citizen equal rights, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and everyone’s favorite—the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. There is also a separation of Church and State, which saves everyone from religious persecution. This is where I think some people lose focus. Some love to say that our country was founded by people who fled Europe to escape religious persecution. Then they love to say that’s why there should be no separation of Church and State… because we should be a Christian nation (“our forefathers were Christian!” they say). And as a Christian State, we should uphold marriage as a Christian tradition that can only be practiced by heterosexuals. Hmmmm… Let me get this straight. Religious persecution is bad, so let’s start a new country with laws that persecute people who don’t believe what our religion dictates? It don’t make no kinda sense! Let’s try imagining a U.S.A. where Christianity wasn’t the dominant religion. (And hold on to your hats, because we will probably see this U.S.A., if not our children.) Wouldn’t these people be glad to know they were protected by a separation of Church and State?

Now I want to talk about the word marriage. It seems to me that this word is the serious hang-up. The slogan for the Prop 8 Campaign (which had huge support and funding from the people I was talking about in the last paragraph) was “Protect Marriage.” They want to protect a religious belief. That’s awesome. Religious beliefs should be protected. You will find that many of these people do the “I have gay friends” dance and will swear up and down that they believe gay partners should have the same rights as married people, but that they just don’t think it’s right for them to “marry.” Marriage is too religious of a word. (Even though there’s a whole other discussion to be had on how “sacred” it is). Let marriage be a word used in churches, however each church feels they should use it. And let there be some other word used in a court that is blind to sexual orientation. Instead of a marriage license, it can be called a civil union contract, or something to that effect. “Marriage” will be protected, and yet everyone will still have equal rights. I understand it is a compromise, but meeting in the middle is a good start.

I know what’s coming next. The slippery-slope theory. What if a man wanted to marry a goat? This is stupid and I don’t think it should even be dignified with a response. All I’ll say is a goat can’t sign a freaking court document. We live in a country where people fake-marry their cats. Strange things happen every day.

I know what’s coming after that. This issue was voted on, and since we live in a democracy, we need to respect that this Proposition was passed by voters. To this I will say that CIVIL RIGHTS should not be put to a vote, especially not one that was decided by a very narrow margin.

To my friends and family who are happy that marriage has been “protected” in California, I want you to know that I am glad you have a right to choose what you want to believe. I would never want to take that away from you, and I’m not even mad that you feel the way you do, because that would make me a hypocrite. But I would ask you to put a face on this issue. GLBT people are your relatives, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors. We’ve learned this lesson as a country a thousand times over: separate but equal is the real slippery slope.

What are your thoughts?