Day 18- Seeing the good

It's quite late, but I wanted to write quickly about a new observation. Seeing the good despite the bad. Seeing the good in myself, in others, and in the universe. Seeing everything and everyone (even if in a chaotic state) as a reflection of natural goodness. As I've said before, I think GULP has helped me re-connect with my spiritual side. Lots of religious folks hate it when other people say "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual." But there is something to that statement as far as I'm concerned.

I feel like I sort of walked away from religion because it somehow got negatively associated with so many aspects of my day to day decisions. Namely the fear that I let dictate most of my life. I made a lot of hasty decisions to try and alleviate the fear, guilt, shame, etc. Now as I try to come to terms with the aftermath of those decisions, I realize how angry I was at "God." But I'm starting to see that wasn't God. It was just fear. I was afraid to be my own person.

So now, after much reflection, reading, writing, GULPing, etc., I am finally becoming closer to what I will refer to as God. I still feel uncomfortable saying God because the whole idea is so different than my old perception. I'm starting to view God as a force, not as some old all-knowing bearded judge with a triton or sceptor or something ridiculous like that. I now see God as a pure, true, GOOD force. THE force of nature. I see God in people now too, even people who have hurt me. I see God in myself. I think God and the Universe are the same thing. I am thrilled to finally call myself spiritual. It was a part of me that was seriously missing. And I am thankful that it is helping me make sense of my world for a change.

Today, I ran into one of my friends at the store. He is someone I hardly see anymore due to the circumstances of my separation. He is a friend who has struggled for many years with alcoholism. In the past, I have pleaded, cried, yelled, begged for him to get help. So many times I just wanted to walk away from being friends with him because it hurt me to watch him hurt himself. The first second I saw him today (it's been months), it felt like Christmas morning. I only saw his good. I hugged him tight and wanted to cry because I love him so much. It feels good to see such a light in people. It feels good to see light everywhere. It feels good to see good.